This week should be flushed, but things happen. Events have occurred that shouldn't be flushed, that are worth something. It isn't one person, one event, but more an event that was the trigger for something built up over time.
For some *thing*, for some emotion, for a bathtub of feelings, left running, and overflowing in its abundance. Flashes of brilliance amid the struggle, happiness amid the tears, warmth in the cold reality. Only Thursday, only 2/3 though, yet the week is full, my quota met. I can't handle much more, my breaking point passed at an earlier date.
The good though, has been great. Bonds strengthened, memories shared, ears cleaned, movies enjoyed, shots taken, the gamut run. The bad, overwhelming, tears shed, hearts broken, souls crushed, what more can one stand? A week, almost a summation of the year, ready to roll over into something new less than 24 hours forward.
----------
A year,
left as remains,
A foundation,
left solid,
A start,
left unfinished,
A new year,
left begun.
----------
friends, lovers,
questions, answers.
unknown, unscripted,
boundaries, walls.
broken, bruised,
wounds, scars unhealed.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Monday, December 28, 2009
December 28: Midnight Snack.
A spot o' dinner,
past the witching hour,
A bit o' activity,
past the holiday weekend,
A taste o' change,
past the normal tide,
A fall back,
past calls, future looms,
Who's answered?
----------
it isn't you,
it isn't me,
it isn't time,
it isn't right,
it isn't wrong,
it isn't, is it?
past the witching hour,
A bit o' activity,
past the holiday weekend,
A taste o' change,
past the normal tide,
A fall back,
past calls, future looms,
Who's answered?
----------
it isn't you,
it isn't me,
it isn't time,
it isn't right,
it isn't wrong,
it isn't, is it?
Friday, December 25, 2009
December 25: Presence.
It's more,
A presence,
Not just presents,
A gift,
Given on the most exalted day.
A heart, waning,
A heart, fumbling,
Lost, without passion,
Worried about pain.
----------
Every day,
Like Sunday,
Not normal,
Not gray.
The end, isn't here.
The beginning, not there.
The past yields
A beginning, an end,
A tale, untold,
A life, un-lived.
A presence,
Not just presents,
A gift,
Given on the most exalted day.
A heart, waning,
A heart, fumbling,
Lost, without passion,
Worried about pain.
----------
Every day,
Like Sunday,
Not normal,
Not gray.
The end, isn't here.
The beginning, not there.
The past yields
A beginning, an end,
A tale, untold,
A life, un-lived.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
December 24: Twas the Night Before.
Twas the night before,
And I couldn't sleep,
I couldn't move, couldn't think.
My thoughts a tempest,
A place so foreign,
A process so unfamiliar.
----------
A definition,
A drink,
An explanation,
An answer.
A quick response,
A laugh, a smile,
Insecurities surface,
Strength drowns.
----------
A year of friendships, a night alone, not even a mouse stirring. A shift so drastic, a home made warm with memories. The faces, some similar, some new, passing through. A cup of cider, an ounce of whisky, a dose of reality. Prevention through caution, changes a cautious reach out, a hand smacked by reality as it nears the cookie jar. Happy, content, yet unsure, the path ahead dark, my feet unsure. Friends guide the way, provide strength, possess the light needed to ensure I don't get lost. Still I stray, still I turn, the bonds tested, the trust pushed, the breaking point passed.
And I couldn't sleep,
I couldn't move, couldn't think.
My thoughts a tempest,
A place so foreign,
A process so unfamiliar.
----------
A definition,
A drink,
An explanation,
An answer.
A quick response,
A laugh, a smile,
Insecurities surface,
Strength drowns.
----------
A year of friendships, a night alone, not even a mouse stirring. A shift so drastic, a home made warm with memories. The faces, some similar, some new, passing through. A cup of cider, an ounce of whisky, a dose of reality. Prevention through caution, changes a cautious reach out, a hand smacked by reality as it nears the cookie jar. Happy, content, yet unsure, the path ahead dark, my feet unsure. Friends guide the way, provide strength, possess the light needed to ensure I don't get lost. Still I stray, still I turn, the bonds tested, the trust pushed, the breaking point passed.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
December 22: Please Forgive Me.
What should I think?
I've had too much to drink,
As my mind and body collide.
----------
Platonic and accepting,
Unable to cross the boundary,
Passion without risk,
Pain without penalty,
A man, beaten,
The reason, unknown,
For his pain is without passion,
His hurt without hope.
----------
Platonic,
by default, accepted.
Sexual,
by nature, refused.
Logic,
as is,
a connection made,
a friendship defined.
I've had too much to drink,
As my mind and body collide.
----------
Platonic and accepting,
Unable to cross the boundary,
Passion without risk,
Pain without penalty,
A man, beaten,
The reason, unknown,
For his pain is without passion,
His hurt without hope.
----------
Platonic,
by default, accepted.
Sexual,
by nature, refused.
Logic,
as is,
a connection made,
a friendship defined.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
December 17: High Tide.
A tide of emotions, a wave of feelings, a wall of protection. A moment, a chance, passed, left to dry. I've protected the heart, I hidden the love. I've mastered the platonic, I've extended the olive branch, I've learned to love again. The gates remain closed to more, high tide's strong currents kept at bay. I'm not the wounded crab, working through the wet sand, hoping high tide won't sweep me away. I've made that journey, keeping high tide at bay, willing myself to safety. I'm scared to go back out, to play on the beach, to build castles and dream. The threat of high tide, the worry of being set adrift, make my castle a friendly and warm haven.
December 17: Code Complete.
A random meet,
A random day,
A random chance,
It's randomly gray.
Perfectly aligned,
Perfectly pure,
It's perfectly sunny.
----------
Unknown,
in nature,
in definition.
Embraced,
encouraged,
entwined.
----------
A tide,
An ebb,
A flow.
A shift,
Wet, tear-dropped shores,
Dry, sun-kissed beaches.
----------
A milestone at work,
A day of infamy, a day etched in stone.
An error, a defect, a cascading mountain,
Things slipping, cutting, in flux,
A long afternoon, an endless week,
A night of sleep is never enough,
When work grinds away the free time,
Wears you down, spits you out,
Left complete, in ways you'll never be.
A random day,
A random chance,
It's randomly gray.
Perfectly aligned,
Perfectly pure,
It's perfectly sunny.
----------
Unknown,
in nature,
in definition.
Embraced,
encouraged,
entwined.
----------
A tide,
An ebb,
A flow.
A shift,
Wet, tear-dropped shores,
Dry, sun-kissed beaches.
----------
A milestone at work,
A day of infamy, a day etched in stone.
An error, a defect, a cascading mountain,
Things slipping, cutting, in flux,
A long afternoon, an endless week,
A night of sleep is never enough,
When work grinds away the free time,
Wears you down, spits you out,
Left complete, in ways you'll never be.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
December 9: Cheated by the Net.
a tweet,
a status update,
a pop into my chat list,
a random packet of network data.
we've timed out,
the page doesn't load,
we've hit the 404-
unsure if we should refresh the page.
----------
Did I scare you?
Wasn't I honest?
Didn't I cut open a vein?
Let you watch me bleed,
Watch me squirm,
Didn't you see me at my most vulnerable?
Or did you not notice?
The thinly veiled wall,
The well-placed curtain,
The open nature, cleverly hidden,
Plainly seen, but overlooked.
----------
I'm not sorry for how I live my life, how I embrace passion and emotion, or how I ignore it and wall myself off. I'm only sorry for those caught as I transition, those pushed by my extremes, the ones whose faces I see behind a wall of tears and wonder where it went wrong. Those friends that chose a separate path, those with whom I only share tense moments, the deer caught in the headlights. The fear consuming, the inability to act, the inability to speak.
a status update,
a pop into my chat list,
a random packet of network data.
we've timed out,
the page doesn't load,
we've hit the 404-
unsure if we should refresh the page.
----------
Did I scare you?
Wasn't I honest?
Didn't I cut open a vein?
Let you watch me bleed,
Watch me squirm,
Didn't you see me at my most vulnerable?
Or did you not notice?
The thinly veiled wall,
The well-placed curtain,
The open nature, cleverly hidden,
Plainly seen, but overlooked.
----------
I'm not sorry for how I live my life, how I embrace passion and emotion, or how I ignore it and wall myself off. I'm only sorry for those caught as I transition, those pushed by my extremes, the ones whose faces I see behind a wall of tears and wonder where it went wrong. Those friends that chose a separate path, those with whom I only share tense moments, the deer caught in the headlights. The fear consuming, the inability to act, the inability to speak.
Friday, December 4, 2009
December 4: Darkness Descends.
A cloud of doubt,
A fog of weakness,
A tired mind,
left defenseless.
The hours tick by,
The charade continues,
The smile persists.
----------
A cold foot,
A warm smile,
A fond farewell.
A night snuggled,
With something small and stuffed,
A big bed,
room for rent.
A fog of weakness,
A tired mind,
left defenseless.
The hours tick by,
The charade continues,
The smile persists.
----------
A cold foot,
A warm smile,
A fond farewell.
A night snuggled,
With something small and stuffed,
A big bed,
room for rent.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
December 3: Gruel.
a minute late,
a moment too soon,
a memory altered.
----------
Where's the line, what's the definition? Do we talk about it now, or let it ride, and just be coo'? The vast unknown ahead, the abyss of emotion, the flood of tears, the pit of emptiness. Do I fill it with tears? Do I fill it with memories? Do I fill it with empty experiences, faces without connections? Do I throw caution into the wind and just dance? Or do I take a careful step forward, my toes feeling the edge of the cliff, and decide to jump?
a moment too soon,
a memory altered.
----------
Where's the line, what's the definition? Do we talk about it now, or let it ride, and just be coo'? The vast unknown ahead, the abyss of emotion, the flood of tears, the pit of emptiness. Do I fill it with tears? Do I fill it with memories? Do I fill it with empty experiences, faces without connections? Do I throw caution into the wind and just dance? Or do I take a careful step forward, my toes feeling the edge of the cliff, and decide to jump?
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